Frustration

Can you tell by the title how I am feeling???? Do you ever feel that things never work out to your favor?? I am feeling so frustrated right now. A lot of little things are just adding up to put me in a bad mood. I hate being in this mood too. Its not fair to my family either. Anyway, like I said, I have had a lot of little things that added up, but what really topped it off was hearing back from the bank. Let me explain.....

We were in the process of refinancing our house. We sent in all the paperwork, paid for the inspection, etc. Well, we bought our house in 2006 when the interest rates were really high like 7%. We always thought that in 5 or 6 years we would move to our "bigger" home, so we would just deal with the interest rate. Well, the economy took a plunge and thank the Lord neither one of our jobs has really been affected by the economy. So, we are very blessed both of us have a job. However, our dreams of moving or building a bigger home is put on hold. We don't know what the future will bring, so we aren't going to rock the boat right now. Anyway, we thought....we have excellent credit, when we bought the house we had quite of bit of equity in it, so why not refinance and save money for something later on. Like I said, we were in the process of refinancing to an interest rate of 4.6%. Wow!! Big difference from 7%. So, we had our house inspected. The BIG ball dropped......since the economy is so bad.....we lost equity in our home. We still owe less than what it's worth, but we lost a LOT of money. So, now the bank said that we could still refinancing, but we have to come up with like 5K at closing. Seriously??? So, it's a no go. John and I aren't willing to pay that for a home we don't want to be in for the rest of our lives. Pretty bummed. Actually pretty pissed. It's really not fair that we pay all our bills on time, we go out and work our butts off, and still we can't ever get a break. Maybe I should quit my job, have a million babies, and have all the taxpayers pay for my family.....just like I am doing now. Geez, so not fair.....

Winter wonderland

Well, I'm sad to say this, but yesterday was the very first day that Lily got to play outside in the snow. It just always seems that when it snows someone is sick or we are working. Yesterday, John and I were both off and decided to take the opportunity to take Lily outside in the snow. She LOVED it. We didn't stay out there long. Her poor little nose was getting so red and her gloves were too big which was making her hands cold. Anyway, I did get a few pictures.

Heading out the door

Lily's conversation with daddy, "oh WOW daddy! Snow!"

Showing mommy the snow

Say cheese!

It was SOOOO cold!!

Some call it a blessing....I call it a curse

So, you are probably wondering what I am talking about. I will tell you what my problem is......I can NOT find a bra that fits. Yes, I know, I really shouldn't be discussing this on the Internet. However, this is a huge problem for me. I have always been "blessed" in this area. In high school, I was a size 0 and wearing a C cup. However, as my weight increased, so has that area. When I was pregnant with Lily, I saw letters in the alphabet that I didn't think they made in bras. Yeah, I am being for real. So, almost 2 years after giving birth, the "girls" didn't really go down. I still have 8lbs left from Lily (it really feels like 50lbs though). So, I don't understand. I mean, if I got pregnant again now....geez, what new letters will they come up with. So, moral of my story, I can't find a bra. I went to Victoria Secret...spent $90 on the biggest bras they got in the store. I can technically wear them, but they aren't the most comfortable things in the world. I went to Wal-mart....found one that fits pretty good, but after being washed a couple of times, it was falling apart. I have look at all the major department stores too. So, my new solution before going through the humiliation of getting a bra made, is going to Victoria Secret online and getting the biggest size they got there (they have bigger sizes online, but not in the store.) So, I really hope this works.

So, if you ever wish to have bigger boobs....just think about it hard and long. Do you really want to go through what I am going through. I can't find a bra that fits, my lower back hurts a lot, and when you lay down on your back, you have a hard time breathing from the load that is on your chest. Yes, if I could afford a reduction....I would in a heartbeat!!!

Congratulations

Our besties Adam and Rachel Anderson had their baby yesterday! John, Lily, and I are very excited for them. We can't wait to meet the little guy!

Cale Ryan Anderson

Born January 4, 2011 at 3:41am

7lbs 14 oz 20 inches

Welcome to the world Baby Cale!

Christmas with Our Children

Memorial Hospital has an annual Christmas party for the children of the employees. We took Lillian last year and thought it was really nice. So, we took her there again. She seemed to enjoy herself. However, she wasn't a fan of Santa. She waved at him and gave him kisses, but wasn't really into sitting on his lap. Anyway, Lily got to see reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Winnie the Pooh. She liked them all, but wasn't about to leave daddy's side to get a picture with them.

Crazy things that make up my life

Where do I begin since my last post?? Let's see, Thursday I was sick. When I say sick, I mean head in trash can, butt on toilet, weak, temp, chills, headache....yeah, that sick. I woke up at 3am with what I thought was acid reflux, I took some tums headed back to bed and well you know what quickly progressed. John said that he would come home a little early to take care of me....well, I had him on the phone at noon telling him to get home NOW. So, John got home and we got me ready to go to the ER. I spent the next 5 hours there hooked up to an IV. I was very dehydrated, I couldn't keep any food down, let alone any medication down. I felt a little better when we left, but mostly just drugged. You know that feeling. Anyway, I came home and went straight to bed. The next morning I felt so weak with the biggest headache. Saturday was better, but Sunday I didn't feel too good again and today started like Thursday, but not even nearly as bad. So, I'm looking forward to this bug to completely go away!!!

Friday, John took off work early and took Lillian to her 18 month check up. Yep, I am right, she is 18 months. Geez, where is the time going? Her measurements are 32 1/4 inches long, 21 lbs 10 oz. She grew a little more than 3 inches in 6 months!!! She is very petite for her age though. Dr. Bies said that her verbal skills were advanced for her age. Which of course John thinks she is a genius. I always worry about her since she isn't going to daycare and stuff. I just want her to learn!!!

Saturday was John's 30th birthday. We had a small dinner at the house with his family and some friends. I was very exhausted to begin with, so it was a very long day for me. I think John enjoyed himself. I know Lily did!! She is the most sociable little girl. She loved having company over.

Right now, I have been doing a lot of praying. I don't really know how to explain how I am feeling. I have a lot of emotions built up right now. I feel that my life is in need of a change. I am not big on change either, so this is a hard step for me. I have seriously had the worst year of my life when it comes to my health. I am constantly sick. First, I had my gallbladder taken out. Then head colds and stomach bugs. It's never ending. So, I have thought about my life and I just feel that I have too many unnecessary stressors in my life. I will explain my life: I married a wonderful man that is from Montgomery, IN. When we met, I was working/living in Evansville and at a job that I was happy with. However, John is not a "big city" guy, so I made the decision to move up here to be with him and his family. I do NOT regret this decision. However, with this decision, I am at least two hours away from my hometown and my family and friends. My mom doesn't do a whole lot of driving, so I never get a visit from her (or my hometown friends for that matter). Right there, I feel isolated. I have friends here, but it's not the same sometimes. If I want to see them, I have to arranged my schedule to go home....which isn't for a long time and hard to do with a child. Then, John works crazy hours. He is always on call (when they have turkeys), so he never gets to chill out. Which stresses me out because he is always on edge. He likes what he does, but not so much the hub where he is at (old equipment, etc). Then, I have a wonderful little girl that I have no idea what I would do without her. She is my everything. However, I get NO time off. Being a full time working mom is hard, especially with a husband who works crazy hours. John's mom watches Lily when I'm working or have appointments, but we don't have the greatest relationship (will not go into detail, but let's just say I can never do anything right.) and I don't want to overuse her. Then, I work in the ICU. The most stressful place I could possibly work. Add sleep deprived and brain dead to the mix and it's a long 12hrs. So, I have decided that I am going to leave my position at the hospital. I am starting to apply to other places that isn't so stressful. Please say a prayer for me. I am in desperate need of this change. Something has to give....so I am hoping this will help!

Happy Halloween

This year we took Lillian to Illinois to go trick or treating with her cousins Dillon and Braden. Eldorado does trunk or treat and thought that would be a better thing to do than to pack her up and go house to house here. Plus, Dillon really wanted Lily to go with him. I was really excited to take her this year because she understands a little more of what is going on. Lily had a great time!! Mommy and daddy were quite exhausted by the end of the night. My mom really enjoyed having all her grandkids there. Plus, we also celebrated my mom's 55th Birthday! Anyway, here are so pics of our fun weekend in Illinois!

"Trick or Treat"

Lily's goodies from Nana

Dillon, Lily, and John

Dillon and Lily

Dillon the Airplane

Braden as a Tiger



Our Little Family on Halloween