Friday, John took off work early and took Lillian to her 18 month check up. Yep, I am right, she is 18 months. Geez, where is the time going? Her measurements are 32 1/4 inches long, 21 lbs 10 oz. She grew a little more than 3 inches in 6 months!!! She is very petite for her age though. Dr. Bies said that her verbal skills were advanced for her age. Which of course John thinks she is a genius. I always worry about her since she isn't going to daycare and stuff. I just want her to learn!!!
Saturday was John's 30th birthday. We had a small dinner at the house with his family and some friends. I was very exhausted to begin with, so it was a very long day for me. I think John enjoyed himself. I know Lily did!! She is the most sociable little girl. She loved having company over.
Right now, I have been doing a lot of praying. I don't really know how to explain how I am feeling. I have a lot of emotions built up right now. I feel that my life is in need of a change. I am not big on change either, so this is a hard step for me. I have seriously had the worst year of my life when it comes to my health. I am constantly sick. First, I had my gallbladder taken out. Then head colds and stomach bugs. It's never ending. So, I have thought about my life and I just feel that I have too many unnecessary stressors in my life. I will explain my life: I married a wonderful man that is from Montgomery, IN. When we met, I was working/living in Evansville and at a job that I was happy with. However, John is not a "big city" guy, so I made the decision to move up here to be with him and his family. I do NOT regret this decision. However, with this decision, I am at least two hours away from my hometown and my family and friends. My mom doesn't do a whole lot of driving, so I never get a visit from her (or my hometown friends for that matter). Right there, I feel isolated. I have friends here, but it's not the same sometimes. If I want to see them, I have to arranged my schedule to go home....which isn't for a long time and hard to do with a child. Then, John works crazy hours. He is always on call (when they have turkeys), so he never gets to chill out. Which stresses me out because he is always on edge. He likes what he does, but not so much the hub where he is at (old equipment, etc). Then, I have a wonderful little girl that I have no idea what I would do without her. She is my everything. However, I get NO time off. Being a full time working mom is hard, especially with a husband who works crazy hours. John's mom watches Lily when I'm working or have appointments, but we don't have the greatest relationship (will not go into detail, but let's just say I can never do anything right.) and I don't want to overuse her. Then, I work in the ICU. The most stressful place I could possibly work. Add sleep deprived and brain dead to the mix and it's a long 12hrs. So, I have decided that I am going to leave my position at the hospital. I am starting to apply to other places that isn't so stressful. Please say a prayer for me. I am in desperate need of this change. Something has to give....so I am hoping this will help!
