Recent pictures of Lily

Here are some recent pics of Miss Lillian. Gosh, I can't believe how big she is getting. My baby girl is going to be 2 in May. I am sad, but happy all at the same time. She is starting to use a lot more sentences when she talks. Which I absolutely love!!! She is pretty good at shapes and numbers. She can tell you which each animal is and what sound they make. Lily loves Mickey Mouse, Dora, Handy Manny, and Spongebob Square pants(which I won't let her watch very much of him). She loves going outside and just playing in the dirt and rocks. The last few months Lily has been really good at saying our dinner prayer and at church, you can hear her say, "Amen" after the prayers. Melts mommy's heart to hear that. Lily is getting more clear in saying, "I luv you mom." That never gets old to hear. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the pictures.

If you don't mind, please say a prayer for me. There are two big things coming up that I am hoping goes good for me. I don't want to say what it is just let, but just think about me!

My worst week of my life.......

I really wish I was being dramatic. However, I don't think I am. This post will be very hard for me so just bare with me....



Wednesday, March 2nd, I found out that I was pregnant. However, a millon bad things popped into my head. The week before, I had got my period on time and a very heavy period to be exact. Then Wednesday March 2nd, I started spotting, which was kind of weird for me, so I took a pregnancy test. I honestly wasn't expecting a positive result due to me already having a period, but I was shocked to say the least that it was indeed positive. In my mind, I knew something wasn't right, but John was already excited. On Thursday, I called the doctor's office and explained to the nurse what was going on. She wanted me to get to the hospital immediately for lab work. So, Lily and I went to Memorial Hospital as fast as I could get there. We did lab work and waited in Jasper for 2 hrs like she asked me to. Well, I got the news that everyone dreads. I was indeed pregnant, but my progesterone level was too low to substain pregnancy and if I hadn't already done it, then miscarriage was coming. Dr. Beckman called it a chemical pregnancy. My body got ready for pregnancy but the fertilized egg never implanted. He thinks that my body had already expelled the tissue with my period. I was devastated to say the least. Deep down I knew it was coming, but was hoping for the best. I quickly drove myself to John's work and brokedown there. John took me and Lily home. I was a wreck. The next day, I had to get a crown put on my tooth and then I had to go back to Jasper to get more lab work done. The results were clear, I was in the process of having a miscarriage. My levels were dropping even more. Saturday, I decided that there wasn't anything I could do and needed to go to work to get my mind off of things. Not really a good idea on my part. I was able to finish the 12 hr shift, but the whole time I was there I was bleeding....BAD!!! Sunday, I worked for 4 hrs while another nurse came in to relieve me for the rest of the shift (Thank you Wes!). Again, the day was about the same as Saturday. I felt very weak and drained. I think my hemoglobin levels (blood count) is low. It's so hard for people to understand the affects this does to your body both physical and mentally. I have been on a rollercoster of emotions for the past 7 days now. However, this is just something that takes time to heal. I am doing better. I can say the word miscarriage without crying now, so that is good. One step at a time......



If you don't mind just say a prayer for me and my family while we are going through this!

Ready for Church

We were getting ready for church this morning and thought I would take a picture of Lillian. I thought she looked so cute. She even picked out her shoes. I can't believe how big she is getting!!!

Visiting Friends

On Tuesday, Lily and I made the 2 hr drive to Illinois to see our friend Rachel and her new baby Cale. We haven't seen him yet and finally had the opportunity to go (thanks nasty weather for delaying it). Anyway, we had a good time visiting. Wish we could have stayed longer. The trip worn both Lily and myself out. We didn't stay overnight in Illinois, so it was a quick trip.

Lily trying her best to hold Cale

While we were there, we stopped by to see my mom. She was babysitting my nephews. So, it was good to see them as well.

Lily visiting my mom at work....PreK at Eldorado Elementary.

Saying bye bye to Dillon and Braden

A new beginning......

As I am sitting here eating the rest of the M&Ms, I stop to think.....this is the end. I am starting a weight loss program on February 2nd. I have to weigh in and get lab work, then they will evaluate my BMI and tell me that I am fat (like I already didn't know this, I am NOT blind). Then I have to take classes regarding my health, I will talk to a nutritionist, and attend exercise classes for the next 8 months. Yes, 8 months!! I weigh in every 2 weeks. I am very nervous and excited about this. I really hope that I can be successful. So, wish me luck and say a small prayer for me. I must lose 50 pounds by September!!!! That's my high school reunion......motivation is really not my friend.

Frustration

Can you tell by the title how I am feeling???? Do you ever feel that things never work out to your favor?? I am feeling so frustrated right now. A lot of little things are just adding up to put me in a bad mood. I hate being in this mood too. Its not fair to my family either. Anyway, like I said, I have had a lot of little things that added up, but what really topped it off was hearing back from the bank. Let me explain.....

We were in the process of refinancing our house. We sent in all the paperwork, paid for the inspection, etc. Well, we bought our house in 2006 when the interest rates were really high like 7%. We always thought that in 5 or 6 years we would move to our "bigger" home, so we would just deal with the interest rate. Well, the economy took a plunge and thank the Lord neither one of our jobs has really been affected by the economy. So, we are very blessed both of us have a job. However, our dreams of moving or building a bigger home is put on hold. We don't know what the future will bring, so we aren't going to rock the boat right now. Anyway, we thought....we have excellent credit, when we bought the house we had quite of bit of equity in it, so why not refinance and save money for something later on. Like I said, we were in the process of refinancing to an interest rate of 4.6%. Wow!! Big difference from 7%. So, we had our house inspected. The BIG ball dropped......since the economy is so bad.....we lost equity in our home. We still owe less than what it's worth, but we lost a LOT of money. So, now the bank said that we could still refinancing, but we have to come up with like 5K at closing. Seriously??? So, it's a no go. John and I aren't willing to pay that for a home we don't want to be in for the rest of our lives. Pretty bummed. Actually pretty pissed. It's really not fair that we pay all our bills on time, we go out and work our butts off, and still we can't ever get a break. Maybe I should quit my job, have a million babies, and have all the taxpayers pay for my family.....just like I am doing now. Geez, so not fair.....

Winter wonderland

Well, I'm sad to say this, but yesterday was the very first day that Lily got to play outside in the snow. It just always seems that when it snows someone is sick or we are working. Yesterday, John and I were both off and decided to take the opportunity to take Lily outside in the snow. She LOVED it. We didn't stay out there long. Her poor little nose was getting so red and her gloves were too big which was making her hands cold. Anyway, I did get a few pictures.

Heading out the door

Lily's conversation with daddy, "oh WOW daddy! Snow!"

Showing mommy the snow

Say cheese!

It was SOOOO cold!!